Awake: A Dream About Sleep

Over the years I’ve noticed doctors, bloggers, vloggers, mamas, grandmamas, pop-pops and even your cousin Cliff sing the praises of getting adequate sleep. They say that adequate sleep can lead to all or some of the following: glowing skin, improved brain function and memory, reduced stress and a better mood. And, that's just the beginning.

I’d like that. All of it! Please sign me up for as much as in stock. 

One night while not sleeping but desperately wanting to, I simply took deep breaths, waiting for my muscles to relax enough for the pain to stop. I imagined what it might be like if humans could go to Costco sized warehouses to pick up their nightly rest. At sleep centers, you get your sleep for the night but they also have sleep accessories available for purchase. If it goes with sleep, they’ve got it. Linens, duvet covers, pillows, memory foam mattress toppers, essential oil diffusers and even soft cozy pajamas. This place is literally a dream. So one Wednesday evening after a few sleepless nights, I hurry in to get the goods.  Here’s how it goes: 

Me: I show my ID card and enter the warehouse and wait in line at the Sleep Allocation Counter. When it’s my turn I greet the clerk. Hi, how’s your evening going?

Sleep Stock Clerk: Good! My shift is almost over. How can I help?

Me: Yeah, I’m glad I got here before you guys closed. I’d like as much sleep as you have in stock. I’m planning to do some serious catching up. God knows I could use it.

Sleep Stock Clerk: Looks at me, and shares the information that appeared on her screen. System says we’re all out of nighttime sleep. 

Me: My heart sinks a little and my eyes widen. I don’t say anything. I wasn’t prepared for this but I already know I’ll take whatever I can get.

Sleep Stock Clerk: She does some clicking on the keyboard and says, well, we do have about 2 hours this evening from 8pm to 9:59pm. She pauses, does some more clicking around, then looks at me and says, I see there was some sleep from 2:47A until 5:13A that was put back on the shelf, I could give you that if you want to take it.

Me: Thinking, I didn’t come here for some used subpar sleep. I wanted the good stuff! A nice 10p-5a slot would be heavenly. Confused, I ask, "how is that possible? I see your colleague over there with plenty. He’s handing out 7- 13 hour long slots of sleep to that long line of people over there and their pets like its air! I didn’t even know you guys handled pet sleep here."

Sleep Stock Clerk: Looks over to see what's going on. She replies, Oh, I see what you mean. Let me check to see what's going on,

Me: I politely say thank you! (I'm hoping that there’s been  a mixup and I wait for my adequate supply of sleep) 

Sleep Stock Clerk: Sorry Miss, what I mentioned earlier is all we have for you. All sleep is administered on a case by case basis.

Me: Reluctantly, I reply “I’ll take both sleep sessions please”

Sleep Stock Clerk: Well Miss, there’s a note in the system here that says I can only give you one of the sessions.

Me: I sigh with dissappointment but quickly make my decision. Ok, I’ll take the 8-10PM.

Sleep Stock Clerk: Are you sure? It’s currently 7:23PM. And it’s until 9:59 not 10PM, she said, correcting me. We’re required to to inform everyone that there no are exchanges or extensions if you miss your slot or any portion of it. Also, there is no additional time alloted for settling down.

Me: Dissappointed and increasingly more tired. I don’t have much energy for asking more questions so I try making a mental comparison of the sleep I could get for the night. Either I could get 1hr and 59 minutes of  sleep right now or 2 hours and 26 minutes of sleep in a little more than 5 hours from now. I lean in, lower my voice  a bit, and reading the clerk's nametag I say Aurora, I’m willing to pay extra if you could check the reserves or maybe pull a little from next Saturday’s sleep allocation for me.  I’d really appreciate it if you could help me out here. The last few nights I’ve come in there was nothing available and I was told you’d be getting a new allocations of sleep this afternoon. That’s why I asked for as much as I could get  all at once."

 I tried not to show my desperation but it was too late.

Sleep Stock Clerk: Aurora was not moved. I’m sure gets these kind of offers from insomniacs all the time. “Miss, as I mentioned earlier you may have either the 8P - 9:59P or the 2:47A - 5:13A slot.” She looked at me expectantly. 

Me: Looking at the big digital clock above the clerk’s counter, it’s was 7:31. I have one more thing to ask so I politely say to the clerk, I have just one last question if you don’t mind.

Sleep Stock Clerk: Aurora who’s accommodating disposition is shifting towards annoyed, answers “Yes, ma’am”

Me: Ignoring the fact that she just ma’amed me, I say, “So if I were to take the later session which would give me 26 minutes more sleep what would I do in the meantime?”

Sleep Stock Clerk: I am sorry Ma’am. We cannot help with that. We only distribute and regulate sleep here. Will you be making a choice this evening? There are others in line behind you and we will be closing soon.

Me: trying to buy myself more time Ok, I’ll take 2 extra firm king sized pillows  from the Cloud collection and …

Sleep Stock Clerk: Impatiently waiting at this point 

Me: ahhh, a standard size memory foam pillow from the Dream collection, those are really nice. Do you have the weighted blanket from the Slumber line? If so I’ll take that too. It’s been out of stock

Sleep Stock Clerk: And your sleep for tonight, ma’am…? 

Help! What choice would you make? Also, does anything keep you up at night?

Well, I’m done writing for tonight. I found this little idea that came to mind laughable. And it’s served me well as a distraction. It’s currently 1:21AM in real life for me and I had every intention of going to bed hours ago. I knew I was tired around 8:30.  I settled down and was ready to count sheep and let sleep come over me by 9. It’s hours later and I’m feeling physically worn out from the involuntary muscle spasms that vary in intensity, My eyelids are heavy but the muscles in my feet and legs are still pulling. I am very used to the ebb and flow of this life that I live. It requires a radical acceptance of the fact that I am not in control. It requires a deep understanding that I am not to fight against what my body dictates moment by moment but I am to flow alongside it. I am to be patient and know that my time to rest will come.

Sweet dreams.